yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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