Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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