dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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