Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
