it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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