I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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