I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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