if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
