ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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