i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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