when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
