put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
