yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
