Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
