well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
