Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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