I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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