I bet he comes in French.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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