how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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