he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
