Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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