it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
