He is such a slut. More and more my type.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
