I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
