this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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