dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize