i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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