am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
