my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize