i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
