I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
