she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
