Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
