you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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