He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize