the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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