Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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