GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
