Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
