He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
