I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
