Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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