Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
