Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize