sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
