Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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