yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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