That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
