yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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