who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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