Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
