SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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