if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
