Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
