I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
