I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
