my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
