I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did you just send me my own nude
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
