Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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