i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
