pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
