i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
