Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
