If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize