She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
