I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
time to smoke my breakfast
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
