That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
