the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
