can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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