So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize