you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
