i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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