We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
